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What if God was on Facebook?

January 25, 2017

 

Did you ever wonder why a picture of your dog gets 50 "likes" on Facebook but your opinion on nuclear proliferation and the impact of artificial intelligence gets … crickets? I have a theory on this.

 

Much like Hebrew National hot dogs, I do believe that we answer to a higher authority and that if God was present back in those days when we communicated by carrier pigeon and foot messenger, I find it hard to believe that he or she is not present now.

 

I’m not talking about God being “one of us” or a “stranger on the bus,” I’m talking about God being God … omnipotent, almighty, and supreme. A deity that can be anywhere at any time in any form. Yes even on Facebook. Now what does God’s profile picture look like you ask? Where is he or she from? What is God’s occupation and relationship status? Good questions.

 

I have decided that God is my casual acquaintance Sam from five jobs and three lifetimes ago. There is no logical reason why Sam connected with me. He doesn’t comment on anything that I say, and he never likes anything that I post. So why is Sam there? I think God is Sam one month and then perhaps Franny that I went to grade school with another month. Franny is a puzzling creature. I have not seen her since we were both six years old. I’ve lived in three different countries and eight different states and yet Franny found me by virtue of my St. Margaret’s School first grade class photo of 1969. It’s a bit of a modern miracle … don’t you think? I would be flattering myself by saying that I look exactly the same; I am clearly a lot bigger now.

 

Like many folks on Facebook, I have gotten a host of friend requests from people that I don’t know - who were apparently “suggested” by other people that I don’t know. This six degrees of separation ultimately leads back to some leap of faith does it not?

 

You see if God was on Facebook it would explain a lot of things. It would provide a logical rationalization for why you are suddenly friends with someone that you never accepted. It would explain why posts magically disappear or why you don’t remember anything “on this day” last year. And it would provide context for the rather mysterious News Feed arrangement.

 

God is far more plausible than some rogue algorithm or hobgoblin Facebook editor that has decided to take an interest in your daily life … don’t you think?

 

God likes nice posts. He or she enjoys babies, puppies, daily affirmations, your vacation photos from Maui, your best friend’s wedding, your daughter’s birthday, and your new recipe for baked radicchio. Only God can make your relationship appear far more functional than it is and you far hipper than you are. It is not by random selection that you’re a daring adventurer, an undiscovered model, independently wealthy, an ageless wonder, or person of the year.

 

Let’s not forget that when God promised that he or she would return to walk among us it was clearly before the advent of the digital age. We all know what God meant … walk, page creep, obsessively follow, profile-stalk, it’s all relative.

 

Now I’m not saying that Facebook is divinely inspired but a “like,” “share” or a “mention” makes us feel pretty darn good except for the terror that overtakes you when you’re tagged in a photo that your oldest brother posts from twenty years ago. That aside, perhaps all those unfamiliar people and inexplicable happenings on Facebook are really not the Chinese, the Russians or the NSA after all. Maybe, just maybe … it’s God.

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